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Liberated parents… Chapter 7: The roles we cast them in

This time, we go back what we read in How to talk so kids will listen, in Chapter 6, on roles.

As we said then, the idea is:

To help a child step out of his role, treat him as if he was already out of it….

The label can encourage the trait. So it is better not to catalog a child, otherwise we encourage him to behave as described.

In this incredible TED talk – what adults can learn from kids – Adora Svitak says:
“Adults often underestimate kids abilities.
We love challenges, but when expectations are low, trust me, we will sink to them.”
So let’s provide the child with positive stories on which he can build his image.

In this book, unlike the other, we take the time to expand on the examples.
The chapter describes so many classical “roles”, with many situations that could make a difference.

And these examples are what give substance to the theory.
In fact, we realize clearly that if the way the child is seen in the adult’s eyes changes, then the reaction of the child changes also.
Which is why it is important to not to reinforce the negative side of the role.
In the first example, the son leaves to go to school, and then comes back 5 minutes later: “I forgot my lunch bag…” The mother, whose reaction, before participating in the training we follow in this book, would have been “Again!” now chooses to change the answer: “I am under the impression that you rather just rather remembered your lunch bag!” ….

In the 2nd example, we see the efforts of a mother against her tyrannical little Princess. Change is slow, but she says: “It took time to make her a Princess, it will take time to undo it…”

Then the chapter ends with this metaphor:
I had a plant outside my window, and I didn’t understand why she was skewed… Until I had the idea to turn it so the other side would face the Sun, and little by little, she straightened.
Children can be like this plant: we can turn them toward the Sun so they grow straight…
And if it doesn’t work, let’s turn the Sun!
To turn the Sun… wouldn’t that be change the way we look at the child?
We have already faced moments in our lives where the way the same child was seen could be so different… This might have happened for example with teachers. Sometimes we have the impression that they do not talk about the same child… Has it not happened to you?
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