While surfing the web, I found an article called: ““Positive” parenting isn’t as positive as we think”. (Article that I believe had more success than it deserved, because of its title…)
Still in the excitement of the discovery that the road I follow in terms of education has a name « positive parenting », I decide to read this criticism, because we always learn more from different opinions.
…On the first read, I find this criticism ridiculous! The article is very good in terms of presentation of references to positive parenting, but the criticism itself resides in the fact that parents who learn these principles envelope a culpability of not doing right. The author comments, I quote: “If we aren’t 100% positive parents, we just suck 100%.”
So, if I understand correctly, we shouldn’t go on this road, because discovering that we could have better handled the situation of our child puts in perspective everything we did wrong, and we feel guilty, so it’s better to not know anything, that way we don’t feel bad about what we do bad…
A couple days later, I talk about it to a French friend, explaining my read to her, and why I find it ridiculous, and this is what she answers:
“Yes but at the same time, I get the idea, because on Facebook there is this girl that often proposes the positive parenting minute, and every time, I want to slap her!”
Ok… I try to better understand…
“Well, what she explains is great in theory, but in real life, we always end up finding ourselves reacting differently, and it doesn’t work, so it’s annoying!”
I explain my opinion:
“Of course we don’t always manage to respond in the best possible way, but it doesn’t mean that those principles are to ignore!
What I tell myself is that if, while reading these books on positive parenting, I manage to change my reaction once every 5 times, it will still be a victory once every 5 times! And, realising that I could have done better the other 4 times, I’ll be prepared when the same situation will come again, and maybe it’ll turn to 2 times out of 5! We are on the right track anyways, and that’s what matters!
– But that, my friend answers, is because you have already gone through the process of accepting that you are not the perfect parent.”
That’s it, in a nutshell: to accept positive education principles, one has to be able to accept that what we do isn’t perfect. It’s crystal clear. Otherwise, we live through it badly, we are even more stressed, and the result will be a lot harder to notice!!
It seems obvious to me (maybe because it’s often repeated by the specialists of positive education), but it clearly isn’t for everybody. Thus, it’s a parameter to take into account when we share these ideas with somebody…